Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
