so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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