I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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