I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
