Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
