Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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