I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
