Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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