Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
