She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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