If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
