coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
