If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
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