Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
