It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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