my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
