Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
