I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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