why didn't you poke me back
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
