Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
