i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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