She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
