Say something about gay babies.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
