I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
