She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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