Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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