Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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