So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
