Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
