Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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