This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
