she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
