so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
