I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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