Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
