I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
NoShamevember. You game?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
