so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
