Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
