yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
