Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
