I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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