i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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