she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
