yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
