im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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