i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
