I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
