Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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