we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
