I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Drake has all the answers
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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