do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
