I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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